I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
