The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
