I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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