there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
