Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
