I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
