Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
