i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
