Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
