he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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