Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
do herpes really smell.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
