Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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