Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
