so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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