i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
