why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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