I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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