So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My feet surprised me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
