He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
