Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
