Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
