drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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