I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
