Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
