my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
