If that was your dad, he is hot
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
