What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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