You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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