My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
