More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
