she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
