I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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