We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
