this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
