I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
