I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize