Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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