he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
