What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
