i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
