I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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