I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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