Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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