Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
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