She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
