This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
