I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My friends, they love my intelligence
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
