NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
