i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
There's always time for handjobs
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
