I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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