My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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