Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
