Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
