Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
