it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
