to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
