You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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