His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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