I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
