I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
